I’m only one person.

Trying to juggle multiple balls.

I try to keep up with the pace,

But then it all collapses and falls.

My attention is needed in each direction.

How do I maintain the balance.

How do I keep up the satisfaction.

This is certainly a challenge.

I’m only one person.

Trying to maintain it all.

When the pressure builds,

Who do I run to? Who do I call?

Of course, my Lord and Savior, Jesus!

Sometimes I just want to get away.

Escape the madness for a bit.

Take some time for myself.

Just to relax and just sit.

I don’t want to have to think.

I know the signs of exhaustion.

It’s when I stare off into the air without a blink.

Or when I burst out into tears.

In front of my family I try to conceal it.

Why? Because it’s not something I want them to worry about.

Not something I like to deal with.

Crying provides a little relief.

But then back into the game I go.

My family depends on me.

Taking care of them is all I know.

Sometimes I feel guilty when I am not at home.

But I’m only one person.

I need my time alone.

-Rose

One person. Raising my daughters up as a single mom comes with many challenges. Add being a caregiver to your mom and another level of challenges is thrown into the mix. I love my family dearly and by no means am I complaining. I wouldn’t trade in my life for another. All the struggles I’ve faced has made me who I am today. God has blessed me tremendously with all that I have and I will always give Him the glory for it all.

I’m in a season of my life where my kids are wanting more one on one time with me. I’m truly thankful that my kids still want to be around their mom, especially my 18 year old. Just this past weekend I spent time with them both individually, in one day. It was exhausting for me, but it made them happy. In the morning my little one, who I call my “Sweet girl”, wanted to go to the Waffle House, an indoor amusement center, and Walmart. So we did all three. We ended up getting home around 2:45 pm. I remember telling my oldest, who I call my “Ray of Sunshine”, to be ready before I returned home because we would be going out later that afternoon to have our one on one time together. My Ray of Sunshine wanted to go skating, which was from 3-6 pm. I wanted to take a nap so bad because being out for hours and around a lot of people drains my social battery pretty quickly.

When I told my Ray of Sunshine that I was going to take a nap, she immediately gave me a sad looking face. I guess she felt like if I took a nap I’d be too relaxed to go back out later. So she said, “I can just go skating by myself.” That just made me feel even worse. I told her to come on, let’s go skating. Sometimes we just have to put our wants aside and say yes to our kids when we really want to say no. Like when my Sweet girl asks me to play Barbie’s with her as soon as I get home from a long day of work. 😞

While driving, she ended up changing her mind and decided that she wanted to go to the mall instead. Thank you Jesus because I really didn’t feel like skating, especially being as tired as I was. After that she wanted to get something to eat so I asked where did she want to go. Hibachi’s is a place she had been talking about for weeks, so that’s where we went. All in all, I had a great day with my kids. It was the first time that I divided the day like that with them both. Not sure I will do that again 😂. I think it would be better for them to have their own separate days and better for me energy wise. After dinner with my Ray of Sunshine, we went home. I immediately went to my room and shut the door. I didn’t want to be bothered for the remainder of the night. Momma needed to recharge.

I have been trying to work on obtaining a closer bond with my own mom. It hurt me to tell her that I don’t feel a mother daughter connection with her. Multiple things play a factor that I won’t get into. To work on our bond, I would like to spend more one on one time with her as well. Yes, we live in the same household, but I get rather busy between juggling time with my kids, work, church, maintaining a household, friendships, personal relationship, then also trying to fit time for my own self care in the mix. I get stretched thin at times and it becomes overwhelming.

The last time I was able to get away on my own for a few days was in 2021 when I treated myself to the Poconos. It was my very first time traveling alone and going to the Poconos. It felt great. This weekend I will be getting away because I’m long over due. Although I will still be in my state, I will have time for myself while also spending time with my Valentine ❤️. I’m looking forward to it.

The song shared below is one of my favorites. It’s about how we can come before God as we are. We don’t have to put up a front, like I do with my family at times when I’m overwhelmed. I don’t like for them to see me stressed because then they will become worried. I can cast all my cares on Jesus because He can handle it all. The lyrics start out by saying, “You catch, I fall.” I know that no matter how tired or weary I’m feeling, Jesus will catch me. I can fall into His loving and peaceful arms. I can let my guard down. I am only one person. I don’t have to hold it all together.

✝️“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11‬:‭28‬ ‭NLT‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/116/mat.11.28.NLT