No matter how much it hurts, it will feel as if there is nowhere to run. 

No matter how hard you try to hide it, it’s still there. This feeling is no fun. 

Only option is to face it. 

Running away will never erase it. 

Once you take that step you’ll be set free.

Your eyes will be opened and you will now be able to finally see. 

Running only makes you afraid and weary.

The only direction you should run is towards the Son.

In His arms He will lift you and carry. 

On Him you can cast all your cares because He will always be there. 

Through Him the battle has already been won. 

He is the only Way, the Truth, and the Life.

Because other than Him, there is nowhere to run. 

-Rose

Nowhere to Run. From November 2012 to June 2014 I was married for the first time. A year into my marriage I began to have an affair with a co-worker. I wasn’t getting the attention and affection that I desired from my husband. When I was shown that attention and affection elsewhere, I was drawn to it. It’s definitely by no means a reason to cheat or get divorced. I just didn’t take marriage seriously because I didn’t know what it truly meant to be married. I was immature. I went into it with the mindset that I just wanted to be married before I was 30, like it was some kind of achievement I had to have under my belt. Well, I was married and divorced a few months before I turned 30.

I didn’t heed the warnings from wise counsel because I thought I was ready and knew what I wanted. I knew what the Bible said about premarital sex, but my relationship with Jesus didn’t exist at that time in my life. I felt the conviction and thought getting married would solve all my problems, but I didn’t think that my battle with lust prior to marriage would follow me into my marriage. Growing up I didn’t have examples of what a healthy marriage looked like. I was never taught how to love a man or be loved by a man. I began dating in my teenage years. I was a virgin until the age of 15. I was always led by my emotions and feelings so I made my decisions based off of that. I never let others in when it came to who I dated. Not my mom, brothers, sisters, or friends. I didn’t seek advice from anyone because I felt like I was navigating my life pretty well. That was an illusion.

Four months into the affair I became more and more distant from my husband. The lies and guilt began to eat at me. Every time he would ask me “what’s wrong?”, I’d get angry and defensive because I didn’t feel like talking about it. I would shut down. I didn’t know how to confess this secret I had been hiding. I felt trapped inside my own body. I knew that telling him would erupt into something awful, but I also knew holding it in was even worse. I had nowhere to run. I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone.

Thoughts of getting a divorce began to run rampant in my mind. I was being fed lies that me and this other guy would be together. I fell for the charm and slick words. The enemy is truly deceiving, but I didn’t know any better. With all of this going through my mind I got to the point where I could barely look at my husband. I just wanted to burst out in tears. The only person I could be mad at was myself. When he asked me for the last time, “what’s wrong?”, the words just would not come out. He knew something was up because I would continuously push him away when he tried to show me affection. It was too late by then. I was no longer interested. He asked me if I have been cheating. I nodded yes. On one side it was a sigh of relief, but on the other I felt filled with overwhelming shame. Of course he became angry and called me a bunch of horrible names. In that moment I felt as if I deserved it. I filed for a divorce and we parted ways. I was also ghosted by the guy I had the affair with after the divorce was final.

That season of my life was a huge lesson learned. I have learned to never take marriage lightly. That it is a covenant between a husband, wife, and God. Since then I have a solid relationship with Jesus. My faith comes first. I no longer battle with lust. I know who I can run to. It is no longer the world, but rather Jesus. I do want to be married again. This time God will be in the midst of it.

It is so beautiful to see a husband and wife at my church serving alongside each other. Praying together. Facing battles and struggles together. A true loving, devoted, and faithful partnership that has God as their firm foundation. It is not about running to social media, the opposite sex, or a bunch of friends to talk about issues going on in your marriage. That is a recipe for disaster. Run to the Lord.

✝️“The name of the Lord is a strong fortress; the godly run to Him and are safe.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18‬:‭10‬ ‭NLT‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/116/pro.18.10.NLT