In a season of waiting, it’s easy to allow our minds to drift.

Drifting to the point where it gets frustrating. 

Frustrated to the point where we begin to lose hope. 

In a season of hopelessness we begin to feel as if we are alone. 

Loneliness that makes you feel as if you are sitting in a pit. 

As your thoughts begin to turn on you, you get desperate. 

In a season of desperation you feel as if it’s all up to you. 

So you walk through life trying to make your own moves. 

Every step you take causes your knees to shake. 

Shaking because of the weight you chose to carry. 

But there is one decision that can make the coldest season more bearable. 

When we give the One who is the Creator of all seasons full control. 

In return, He gives patience to the one in waiting. 

Hope to the hopeless.

Peace to another who’s been frustrated. 

Love to the lonely. 

He opens our eyes so we can finally see. 

That in every season, He has a purpose. 

A purpose that is unique to us, individually. 

-Rose

Seasons. When I wrote this poem I was at a point where I thought I’d be single for the rest of my life. I desire to be married again one day. I just didn’t know if that was God’s will for me. So I would tell myself if I’m single for the rest of my life, I would be okay with it. My previous relationship ended in August of 2020. It only lasted 10 months. While writing this poem I was two years in of being single. It seems as if I was always dating someone. Like I was afraid to be single. I never would allow myself a chance to truly heal and just focus on learning how to love myself. One major factor that I was really missing was a relationship with Jesus. All my other relationships failed because of this, I believe. I didn’t know how to truly love or what love really looked liked. I went into each relationship or “situationship” (I know it’s not a word, but it helps me best describe it 🤣), being led by my flesh. I struggled with lust.

I found my church home in May of 2018. I began serving regularly in the church in July of 2018. I was baptized in August of 2018. I was all in for Jesus. I still am and always will be. So why did I still struggle after that? Because I was and still am a work in progress and even though my spirit was willing to do what was right, my flesh was still weak. My Pastor preached a message last month that reminded me that although our spirit is connected to God and is the command center, our body and soul is still trying to catch up. We will never arrive at being perfect. I was still new to knowing and learning who God is and developing a solid relationship with Jesus. Just because I re-dedicated my life it doesn’t mean that in an instant all the sins that I struggled with for the past 18 years would be gone. Yes, God wipes away our sins and no longer sees them, but we still have struggles with old habits and thought patterns that we need God’s help with simply because we are human. We fall short daily. While I was in that relationship, I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me. Telling me that this wasn’t God’s best for you. I was still struggling with lust and sexual sin. It was not a holy relationship. He didn’t know God and I was a year in after re-dedicating my life to Christ. The roots haven’t gotten deep enough yet for me to try and stand firm against the enemies schemes. The Holy Spirit helped me to realize how off balance the relationship was, and I could not continue living that way. It was only pulling me away from the man that I truly wanted to get to know, Jesus. So, I ended it. 

I have grown to realize that I do not like to waste my time. I couldn’t see myself staying in a relationship just so I can say I have someone. I wanted to be married again one day, and I wanted to do it God’s way. But first I had to learn about Rose. I needed to explore the season of singleness longer than I normally would. It was hard at first. I felt like my body was going through withdrawals. Our time of singleness is not about focusing on who our next boyfriend or girlfriend will be, but rather being used to serve God’s kingdom. So that is what I focused on, growing spiritually. I joined and hosted different groups at my church, stepped up into leadership roles, attended as many church events as possible outside of a regular Sunday morning. Learned the importance of prayer and reading the Bible for myself. Grew closer to God and got to know His heart for me. Became a part of a life-giving community by surrounding myself with other believers in Christ. I just immersed myself into all that was pleasing to my God. Chasing after God is so much better than chasing after men. During that time He continued to work on pruning the things inside me that didn’t please Him. He renewed my thoughts and desires to reflect Him and His will for me. He removed the lustful behavior and thoughts I battled with for so long. In 2022 I felt as if I was ready. But I did not want to just jump into any relationship. I wanted it to be God’s will for me. This time around I chose to be led by His Holy Spirit, not my flesh.

Dating these days isn’t easy. So many people depend on social media to connect, but what if you don’t have that? Your only option is to meet someone the old fashioned way, in person. I remember just continuing to be patient and placing my trust in God. I knew if I tried to make something happen in my own strength by moving too fast or forcing it, that it would fall apart. Just like all the other times. In December of 2022 during our Christmas experiences at church, after I wrote this poem, my Pastor approached me and asked if I was single. If I was dating anyone. I said “No, I’m not dating anyone.” He replied, “I may have someone for you.” I was happy to hear that, but I didn’t ask him who for some reason. After that day I never heard anything more about it from my Pastor. He never told me who it was, and I never asked. I just left it in God’s hands and I took it as God’s confirmation that one day I will have a husband, and he will be sent by Him especially for me. That I didn’t have to go chasing. I didn’t have to worry. I didn’t have to give up my body like I was so used to doing in the past. That if I simply remained patient in the waiting, through each season, I would be blessed abundantly. I let go of control and in return He gave me patience, joy, hope, peace, comfort and love. He helped me realize my purpose. I never lost hope. I never felt alone. I didn’t get desperate. I didn’t try to make moves on my own and distrust God. The waiting was worth it because I can confidently say that I am currently in a relationship! I’m with an incredibly loving, God-fearing, patient, kind, gentle man whom I have built a solid and trusted friendship with over the past four years. Something I never experienced with a guy before dating him. He is my best friend. And guess what?? We began dating two years exactly after my Pastor approached me. Look at God.🙌

✝️“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭62‬:‭5‬ ‭NLT‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/116/psa.62.5.NLT