My dearly beloved brother, Titus. This is still all too unreal for me. As I try to grasp the fact that you will no longer walk this earth, it was exactly one week ago that I was talking to you while I was at work. You told me that even though you sent me a text, you called cause you simply wanted to hear your little sisters voice. It was one month ago that I drove two hours to see you in DC. You told me that it was in your spirit that I come to see you that day before you drove back home. Without hesitation I told you I would be there because I didn’t know when I would see you again. Lord knows, even though I had to work that night, I am so happy I made that sacrifice. As soon as I got out of my car you embraced your little sister with a tight loving hug. I am going to miss those so much. To me you were my role model and I never got the chance to express that to you. At times you also felt like a father figure that I never truly had because you would lecture me on certain things going on in my personal life, such as when I got divorced. You weren’t too pleased about it and showed me a little tough love in the beginning, but then you comforted me with your loving words because you remembered that you were talking to your little sis. When I told you recently that we are working on our relationship, you said it brought so much joy to your heart that it made you cry. I felt as if I had made you proud of me again. You loved me unconditionally, no judgments. Titus, I am going to miss your bright smile and tight hugs. Reading your uplifting Facebook posts where you are always teasing about the beautiful Florida weather. Those random text messages you would send early in the morning saying how much you love your family. I’m going to miss being able to simply pick up the phone to tell you how much your little sister loves you. I have been talking about coming to Florida for years to visit my two brothers. The last time I was there I was only 11. Well, I finally made it to Florida brother, 20 years later, but now I feel as if I am too late. Sleep in peace my big brother. I will love you forever. Your little sis Rose.

-Rose

Letter to Titus. The day I found out my oldest brother passed away, I wrote this letter. I am not even sure what compelled me to write it the same day. I guess it was all the emotions and just plain shock. As I’ve expressed on my “About Me” page of this blog, writing for me is comforting. It helps me to get the words I am trying to express verbally, out on paper. Words come flowing out better when I write. So in that moment, realizing what happened, I guess this letter is the result of it.

It was a Monday morning, January 5th, 2015. I remember being awaken by a family group text at 6 am of pictures from Titus. It showed him and my nephew dressed in their white suites. My nephew, TJ (Titus Jr.), was two at the time so he was being held in my brothers arms in the picture. In the text Titus stated the picture was from TJ’s christening the day before. He was so adorable in his little tuxedo matching his dad. Titus went on to say how this year was going to be the best one yet. Nine hours later, those words did not sounds so promising.

I am the youngest of five siblings. We were all born in Philadelphia, PA. I have two brothers and two sisters. My sisters and I were placed in a foster home for a few years in New York City. I was almost two and I believe we were reunited with our mom when I was six. My brothers were raised by their grandma in Florida during this time. They did not get reunited with us.

Although we did not grow up with our brothers, we tried to stay as connected as possible in our adult years. I can only remember a handful of times seeing my brothers. Titus was the one who made the most effort to see family as much as he could. Most of our family was up north while he and my other brother was way down south. Titus loved to travel. Makes sense since he was in the Navy. He just had that outgoing personality. He would give you the shirt off his back to help you. I remember when he told me he had become a deacon at his church. I was so happy for him. He would encourage me with God’s word when I was still living for the world.

Back to that day. Hours after receiving the pictures from Titus, I remember getting a call from one of my sisters around 3 pm. She asked me if I had seen the posts on Facebook that says “R.I.P. Titus.” I said “WHAT?? No!” I immediately called his phone, praying he would answer. When I heard the somber voice of a woman on the other end, my heart began racing and I immediately began to cry. She told me that Titus was gone. He suffered a heart attack while playing with his son TJ at home. He passed around 11am. So much just didn’t make sense to me in that moment. I couldn’t understand how his sisters and mother had to find out through social media.

I am so glad I took screenshots of some of our last conversations. I don’t have the text messages, but I have the messages from Facebook Messenger. It was a month prior to his passing that he reached out and asked me to come to DC to see him. Titus owned a moving company. He was driving from Florida to DC to help a client. I immediately asked for the address. I had not seen him since 2010 at a family reunion and I did not know when I would see him again. I worked nights at the time and was scheduled to work that night I went to see him. I knew I would be tired but I did not care. It was a two hour drive for me and I was only able to stay for about an hour and a half. We took pictures and just enjoyed the short time being together. It was worth it.

I have the picture of us on my desk at work. Every time I look at it, it is a constant reminder for me. It reminds me that life is so short. It reminds me to cherish every moment with the ones you love. It reminds me of making sacrifices for others. It reminds me of the hard working and great man my brother was. I can’t remember if I read this letter at his funeral. I had planned to, but my mind escapes me about that moment standing up with the rest of my siblings and mother near his casket. I just remember turning around to look at him as he laid there and smiling while saying how much I loved him and will miss him. I had peace knowing that he was a believer in Christ Jesus, so I know he was home.

I encourage you today to live everyday as if it were your last because tomorrow is not promised. Tell and show your loved ones how much you love them every chance you get. If there is a family member or friend that you may be hard hearted towards, forgive them because in the blink of an eye your life can be forever changed.

✝️“How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.”
‭‭James‬ ‭4‬:‭14‬ ‭NLT‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/116/jas.4.14.NLT