Love.

What is it?

What does it feel like?

Can it be found?

True love?

New love.

It’s been three months. 

I deeply care for this man. 

A strong like.

I guard my heart because it’s been misled before. 

This time I can’t ignore. 

Can’t be led by my thoughts and emotions anymore.

They leave me misguided. 

Open wided 

Filled up to be let down.

Blindsided. 

I’m afraid of those words. 

Why? Because I feel like I will only be left looking like a clown. 

Going around and around again. 

Circles must be my very best friend. 

Will this crazy cycle ever end?

Well yes, it can. 

How?

Two letters, M and E.

It begins with me.

I have to first learn to love myself.

I believe this will improve my overall mental health.

Also, a relationship with the One who first loved me is needed.

I can’t keep looking to the world.

It only leaves me feeling lonely and depleted.

So, love.

It is patient. It is kind.

Something that is possible to find.

-Rose

Love. This poem originated in 2021. I was halfway through writing it, but never completed it until 10/10/2025. I am not sure when I will actually post this blog. I tend to write many drafts and then come back to them later down the road. Writers block is a real thing. Stepping away from a poem and then coming back to it does help get your thoughts moving again. Plus I was still processing what love meant to me in regards to being in a relationship with a man. I have gotten it wrong so many times in the past. I did not want to keep making the same mistakes. I was still trying to understand it. I was also learning how to love myself better and realizing that my relationship with Jesus comes first before any man. Once I was able to switch my perspective and take my focus off of desiring to be in a relationship so badly, it became easier for me to focus more on Jesus and place my trust in Him. Believing that He will provide me with the man that He has for me, not who I think or feel I should be with. He revealed to me that love is a choice, not a feeling. Like how God the Father chose to sacrifice His one and only Son for us. Love was created by God. So it makes sense to seek the One who knows what the true meaning of it is, not the world.

This poem was inspired by the man I am currently in a relationship with. Who, back then at the time, was just a friend I was interested in. We began to have this strong emotional connection with each other after just three months of talking everyday. I enjoyed our friendship stage and did not want to ruin it by moving too fast into a romantic relationship. We both knew we were not ready. This caused us to harbor what we were feeling inside for each other. For me, I wanted to make sure these emotions were real. I didn’t want to be led by lust as I was so used to doing in the past. Infatuation can make you feel like you’re in love with someone, but you’re really not. You’re just on an emotional high from the initial attraction of someone, especially if you’ve been sexually active with each other. Everything is brand new and every word you hear from them goes straight to your heart and mind without thinking if what they are telling you is really true. After a while this blissful feeling fades. You begin to see all their many different shades. Once the clouds disappear from around you and you can see what type of person they truly are, it does not seem so attractive anymore.

To me this felt different. An emotional connection was present that did not include crossing any physical boundaries. I got a chance to know him personally. What he likes. What he doesn’t like. What type of character traits he possessed. Does he have a relationship with Jesus? I watched how he treated other people and how he handled difficult situations. These were areas I was able to observe and learn over a period of time during our intentional friendship stage, which took about four years. Only God could help us with patience and self-control because this was the complete opposite of what we were use to doing in our past relationships. I never experienced a friendship stage with a man I was interested in. I always allowed my flesh to lead. This time I decided to allow the Holy Spirit to lead. We are still on this journey together and look forward to all that God has in store for us, individually and as a couple. Our main focus has been ensuring that we keep Jesus as the foundation in our life and our relationship.

✝️“We love each other because he loved us first.”
‭‭1 John‬ ‭4‬:‭19‬ ‭NLT‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/116/1jn.4.19.NLT